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I wake up crying in the night. I cry when I go to bed, I cry when I wake up. I am more than a shipwreck. Maybe I deserve these tears…but for sure that I can’t hold on anymore. What is life if I can’t find happiness? I don’t want career, money, fame, everything I could ever wish. For my new year I want love, happiness, joy. These are my resolutions, these are my desires. I am not supposed to let it be seen. I have to be strong. But yet so weak I am…so little and insignificant.

And I have this strong feeling that I will loose you. For sure it will happen. Because I am not perfect, no one is, no one can ever be. I am lost…more than you can ever be. For the first time in my life I feel teared apart…with every inch, with every breath. It feel harder to exist, to bare all. Till I collapse….

We all owe a death, but sometimes, o God, the green mile seems so long

Sometimes we have wings, but don’t know about their power to take us up into the skies. Sometimes we know, but we are to afraid to fly. Sometimes we fly and there we know that the only fronteer is inside us. We are the children that dream of taking off. But we can not learn to fly, until we have crawled in the dust of the pain, where the wings were growing hurting us, not understanding their use.

Spread the wings…fly further.

Today I have chosen to be free in my mind. I believe that the true freedom is there and can only be there. Now more than ever I believe that freedom is a state of mind, not of body.

Love me without fear

Trust me without questioning

Need me without demanding

Want me without restrictions

Accept me without change

Desire me withou inhibitions

For a love so free…

        Will never fly away.

I looked into the eyes of fear and sought it deep inside and in the end realised that it is not worthy of any trust. I left the shore of my life to get deep in the jungle, into the real adventure. It is time to be born again exactly like a pure infant that has forgotten all the previous experiences and it’s starting fresh and promising. I am opening now my eyes to the world around me. And I see all the things I have been looking for. I don’t know if I am ever going to get them, to be mine, all just mine. I see the chance of going on a path I never dreamt of, of doing much more than I ever dared dreaming. I see the opportunity to make new friends, maybe that won’t dissapoint me that often. Or maybe I’ll learn to take the others as they really are, to love them with their faults and mistakes.

Rebounding everything that is in my life, an opportunity to start fresh, to do it better. A new way to discover maybe what to love is, what to rejoyce in the presence of others means, how to feel precious and to give back the same feeling could influence the life of a insignificant human.

Just look into my eyes, you’ll see that there is no reason to be afraid, no reason to hide, no matter that is too difficult to handle and solve out. The only thing that could move the world around is to dare for more, to dare living life to the full, to start really enjoying every bit of a loving word, of a scent of roses, of a smile of true happiness, of a sincere heart….

As the most of the people I know that have read it and liked it or disliked it; confrunting the darkness of the night in the literary sense, I finished Brown’s book, in a haste to get it through, to see what it has in stock, to be sure if I wanted to watch the mouvie or I’d rather pass it. The thriller was not such a thriller, rather a manifest of the desire of humanity for tricks and schemes, for mystery and the world-wide conspiration, I sometimes agree, we are enclosed to. The world of cryptology and masonic-like organisations is a subject that has always arose controversy and moreover the desire to get where no one has been before. The secret organisations, laic or religious, are to be blamed for everything, for we are not much than their puppets and our minds is created on patterns well-founded before our birth. But if there is a lie and if someone knows the truth, what are the reasons for the truth to be kept secret?

‘And the truth shall set you free!’. I am wondering what kind of freedom will the truth give us. The same illusion of the Holy Graal or the insight of a world long time lost. If the Sangreal is a woman, than the Truth is…The Man. ‘So dark the con of man’ – maybe so enlightening the cup of the woman. And here we question all the basis of our everyday life. Would I search for the Graal in order to find Mary? No way! Actually the quest is set around Jesus. People want to know his story, because in the end he is the main character, the plot, the climax and the conclusion of humanity. As I always say about art and its masterpieces. It’s just a matter of perspective. One can dismiss everything on the basis of a fictional work. The other side of the moon is to question our beliefs and to test our faith. If the test is objective and the faith passes it, than we can be happy that we know how to believe strongly, not neccesary that we know…something.

It might be just another way to show off, to make a stand, to break the rules or it can be a form of a modern art, which is nowadays less understood. A beautiful art, but only a lifetime resistance. Why? Because in the grave, there is no art only decomposing. Till then, the painting is just another symbol.

The elements in the tatoos can be heathen or holy. It says something about the skin it is one…or more exactly about the owner of that skin.

You can tatoo anything…as long as you feel confortable with it, both with the area of the body and with the message of the drawing. The interesting part will be a museum of tatoos. Some of us are anyhow walking museums of their own experiences crafted in their own bodies.

It is exactly how I would like to see it, how I would like the life to be. Actually I can see more the dark than the blue, more the set than the rise. As he says: `What did I do to be so black and blue?´. Who would ever think that behind my roughness that can actually be the reverse. It just depends how you view it. My personal and own way, my own desire, my face that I show to people. Is it hate? Is it love? Do I know what I am talking about…or i just say words that mean nothing for anyone of us. Look into my face and tell me what you see. Seeing me…or the opposite?! Strangely, but my dark side is actually my brightest. I hide behind the rocks, for I am nothing more than a mirrored piece of stone.